María MagdalenaAge: 30Children: Neli Guadalupe, 5 years old, Rodolfo Manuel, 14 years old
What are you proud of in your life?
I am proud of leaving my husband. At the beginning it was really hard, but I know now that it was the right decision.
What do you love about being a woman?
I love being a woman because I can be very useful. I can work inside the house and out. I can take care of my children and work. Men can’t do that.
What have you gained from the painful experiences in your life?
Bravery. I am able to make better decisions. They have removed the veil from my eyes.
What is the purpose of life?
If you have a positive outlook, you can achieve everything. With a negative outlook you will do nothing. My purpose is to look after my children. If I am okay, then they are okay.
If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
I want peace for the world, so that everyone can view each other like brother and sister, like God says in the Bible. If we all think positively, life would be good.
Story: I got married when I was 15 years old. Growing up, I was the youngest in the house, but had all the responsibility. My brother and my dad sent me to do everything. Whatever I was told, I did, even if I wasn’t okay with it. I thought it would be easier to date and live with the father of my children. Maybe something would be different, but it wasn’t. When I moved out, I lived with my husband in his parents’ house. My room was tiny and was made of cement. Pieces of wood acted as a roof. In the same room there was food for the cows and horses, and rats. I didn’t care about the little room. I loved him. I didn’t need anything else besides his love.
After a month of being married, my husband became violent and treated me poorly. I did not feel good enough to leave the house. One day he wanted me to buy him cookies, but I didn’t want to go. He insisted. He started grabbing my hand and pulling me. I fell down to the floor. He held onto my wrist and pulled me across the floor in circles. He pulled me outside and said, you are going to go because what I tell you to do, you must do.
Another time he told me to look for a fly swatter. I looked everywhere, but couldn’t find it. He began to yell. I told him to calm down. He yelled louder, look for it! He hit me in the face and I fell to the ground. He kicked my stomach while I was on the floor. Neli, my daughter, was watching, crying, and yelling. As Neli was watching her father hit me, I saw her hitting herself in the chest, mimicking him. I scrambled outside. He held onto Neli so that she couldn’t come with me. I had to go outside alone. He would ask for forgiveness, saying that he wouldn’t do it again, but it continued for 15 years.
I was too afraid to press charges. He threatened me by saying his powerful friends would come after me if I tried to do something. He said that if he were put in jail for these things, when he got out, he would kill me and my brothers. Once, he held a pellet gun to my head and threatened me. He said, this is a small gun, but I have a real one, and will use it. I went to the church, and was too scared to return. I stayed there for two days and came to New Beginnings ministry after that. I have been here for two months with Neli.
I never finished secondary school, so now I want to finish school. My dream is to be a gynecologist, to deliver babies. It’s a gift that God has given me. I want to keep studying, so I can keep moving forward.
María Soledad
Age: 25
Children: Esmerelda, 9 years old, Aurora, 2 ½ years old, Misael, 6 months old
What are you proud of?
I am proud to be here. I am proud to have my children with me and to bring them into a space where they can have a better life.
What makes you happy?
I am happy to have my kids together.
What do you love about being a woman?
I love being a woman because I can be a mother.
What do you hope to teach your children?
I hope to give my children a better education than I have received.
What is the purpose of life?
I think the purpose of life is to grow and to be able to support my children so that they can grow and move forward in life.
If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
I would take away all the violence in the world.
Story: I have gone through a lot of difficult things in my life. Every moment for me is a good moment. I am happy and thankful to be alive.
My mother is living, but my father is not. She lives here in Vicente Guerrero. It has been a month since I have seen her.
Growing up, I never went to school. Only my brother went to school. Instead of school, I did all the chores of the household. I cannot read or write. My brother was treated very differently than me. I would visit him when I lived outside of New Beginnings. We are on good terms.
I used to live close to here with the man who is the father of my children. I left with my children because he would hit them and me. I feared for my life. He used to abuse my oldest daughter and me physically and sexually. I do have regrets. I regret not listening to my daughter when she told me the man I was living with was sexually abusing her. I regret not helping her. I get angry with myself still when I don’t listen to my daughter well. I have been at New Beginnings for one month.
Silvia
Age: 24
Children: Abram, 2 years old, Ramiro, 4 years old
What do you love about being a woman?
I like to sew. I like to use makeup and transform myself.
What is your biggest fear?
Scorpions!
What do you think is the purpose of life?
To be a good mother, and to give my children a better life.
If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
There would be no more violence against women.
What makes you happy?
Being here in this home with my children makes me happy.
Story: When I was eight years old, my stepfather abused my sisters and me by hitting us and sexually molesting us. He abused my mother too, almost killing her. My mom used to go to work, and my stepfather would take all the money she earned, leaving us with nothing to spend or to eat. My sister and I would go from houses to gas stations asking for food. We grew up not knowing what juice was, or chips. We would take the food we received to my mom so she could cook for us. My stepfather would come home drunk and throw the food at my mother.
While my mom was at work, my stepfather would lock us in rooms. He put shackles on our feet. He would harass us all day. He damaged my body. When my mom returned, I would tell her all the things that my stepfather did to us, but she never believed me.
DIF, child services, took us away from him and my mom. It was very painful for me. I didn’t think I would be with my mom again. I used to cry and yell to my mom, don’t let them take me to an orphanage! Once we were at the orphanage, they never allowed her to see us. I stayed in the orphanage for 10 years and left when I was 18 years old. At that time my mom was remarried to another man. The new man wanted to do the same things as the other did to us. This man wanted me to be his wife. I refused and left.
My mom’s husband is still looking for me. The man who I was living with accused me of having relations with my step dad. I was pregnant with my first baby. He punched me in the stomach, accusing me of the baby being someone else’s. I told him, how can you hit me? I’m pregnant with your child! He took me back to my mom’s house. He didn’t want anything to do with the baby and me.
My stepfather still abuses my mom till this day. I would tell my mom, lets go. My mom told me no because she still wanted to be with him. My mom chose the man over my sisters and me. I left the house, taking Ramiro, my son, who was 20 days old. They looked for me. When I returned to look for a place to live, I visited my mom. She was completely beat up, covered with bruises and scratches. When I saw her in this state, we cried together. I insisted again and again that she leave. She told me she couldn’t, because he said if she would go, he’d look for her, find her, and kill her. I told her I’d press charges against him. She said, don’t do it, I will stay with him. I tried my hardest.
I knew a woman who recommended that I come to New Beginnings. I am happy here, but sometimes when the memories come back, I begin to cry. I miss my mother. I am happy to give my kids a better life. I am going to be good in five years because I am forgetting the horror of my past.
In the future, I would like to open my own sewing shop, where I can sew dresses for weddings and quinceañeras.
Jaira
Age: 24
Children: Esmerelda, 4 years old, Joselin, 7 years old, Daleyssa, 8 months old
What are you proud of?
I am proud of being a mother. I’m still working on being a good mother and demonstrating my pride in my children.
What makes you happy?
My daughters make me happy. They changed my life.
What do you love about being a woman?
I love being a woman because it gives me the privilege of being a mother.
What would you like to teach your children?
I am just now learning how to treat my daughters better. I want to give them everything. I am teaching my daughters to treat others the way they want to be treated.
What have you gained from your hardships?
Don’t trust anyone. Never leave your child with someone you do not know well. I have a hard time trusting people, especially men I do not know.
If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
Only one? There are so many. I would free the world from drugs.
Story: I arrived at New Beginnings due to a lady pastor at the church I used to go to. I would share things about my life with her. The man I lived with abandoned me while I was pregnant. He does not give any support. I had nothing to give my children to eat, so I had to beg him to give me money to feed them. Whenever I asked, he would humiliate me.
I had to hide my stomach to get a job. They would not give me work if they knew I was pregnant. I waitressed at a bar to earn money. I worked there for three and a half months until they discovered I was pregnant and they made me leave.
A friend allowed me to stay in a spare room. I was always alone and did not have any support, not even from my mom. My mom was always working when we were young, so we stayed with our grandma. My mom got pregnant twice and left the babies with grandma. When I was 13, my brother and sister and I returned to live with our mom. I had to take care of my siblings because we were always alone. We were locked up during the day. DIF, child services, was called, and my sister and I were taken.
They gave custody to my grandparents, and the three of us went back to their home. There was a restraining order against my mom. I had a very good relationship with my grandparents. Yet, they were not strict, so we were always in the streets. We would get in a lot of trouble. I harbored a lot of pain inside. I would imitate my stepfather by hitting the other kids in the streets. My stepfather used to abuse my mom, and I witnessed it all.
Once, the man I lived with hit me. That put fear inside of me because I saw how my stepfather treated my mom. I told myself, no man would ever hit me again. When I was angry with him, I would hit my daughters, because they were his weak point. My daughters were afraid of me.
A little while ago at New Beginnings, my daughter Joselin and another little girl were caught kissing and touching one another. I had no idea where she picked these things up. This was a discovery point for me. I found out that my mother was teaching Joselin inappropriate things. My mom taught her how to give sexual pleasure to adults by being with a man in front of her. I do not speak to my mom anymore. She is dead to me. Her funeral will be a party for me.
It is so hard to teach my daughter about love because of the things she has witnessed. I want to teach her that she doesn’t have to give sexual favors to get things in return. I am beginning to gain her trust. I try not to threaten her. I am learning to not hit or yell at my children at New Beginnings. I am learning how to be a good mother.
Elvia
Age: 34
Children: Luz Amayrani, 15 years old, Jesus Daniel, 8 years old
What are you proud of?
I am proud to still be alive. And I am proud to have my children with me.
What makes you happy?
It makes me happy to be with my family.
What do you love about being a woman?
I love being a woman because I can reach out to other women and show them how they can take charge of their lives.
What do you wish to teach your children?
I would like to teach my children values, especially respect, so that they can be better people. I would like to teach them to not limit themselves and to show them that they can achieve anything.
If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
I would wish for a better life for the handicapped children.
What is the purpose of life?
The purpose of life for me is to become a better person. In general, the purpose of life is to become close to God so that you can transform your life.
Story: I came to New Beginnings because DIF, child services, wanted to take my children away from me. Some man was spying on my daughter. He made holes in the wall of my daughter’s room to spy on her. I used to work during the day. I started at 11am and worked until 9pm. My children stayed at home alone during this time. They could leave if they wanted to, but they liked to stay alone and watch movies. My daughter saw a man watching her once while she was getting ready to take a shower. She ran outside and saw him. No one believed her when she said who it was.
The man who was spying on my daughter is part of my family. I knew him, but could not do anything. Everyone in the neighborhood started telling my daughter she was crazy. I feared for the safety of my children.
I used to yell at my children a lot. I was under a ton of pressure. I lived alone with my children for seven years. During this time, the father of my children was in jail for using and selling crystal meth. I worked at a pizza shop to support them. I barely made enough money to be able to feed them, supply for the household, and send them to school.
I feel like I have a good relationship with my children now. Before, I was not close to my daughter. She thought it was my fault that she was being spied on. She said horrible, hateful things to me. I would cry and cry. During the time spent at New Beginnings, my daughter learned a lot and began and relationship with God. She was baptized. One day, she came to me and apologized for everything she had said to me. It felt amazing. She now hugs me, when previously she wouldn’t even come close to me.
The father of my children got out of jail about a year ago. He thought a lot about his family while in jail. I started to talk to him during these past couple months. He has really changed. I was visiting him in Ensenada when he asked me to marry him. He promised me a new kind of life. I told him I would think about it, but by the end of the day I had told him yes. I will be getting married in March.
I feel like my life has been transformed because of my time spent at New Beginnings, especially my relationship with my children. I plan on being present in my children’s lives. I want to look for a job that allows me to work during the hours they are in school, so that I can be with them afterwards.
