Waves

Look around and all you see is a huge ship
there are tons of people but no one that
wants to hear your pain or to help you.

Get further out to sea and all you see
is the deep blue ocean
The waves rock the ship and
the waves inside of you coming crashing
in on you

There is nowhere to go, no one to talk to
so the only place you have to turn is to write
in here
To get the thoughts and feelings out
When you lay in your rack at night all you
Do is cry
The nightmares and flashbacks come back but what
Are you going to do when you are stuck in a
Place where there is no one to talk to
No one that cares

Trying so hard to be the Sailor but since the
rape, command not doing anything about it, being
called a liar, told that you do not matter, that we
Will ruin your career,
just do not care any more about being a Sailor

there are times look at the waves
and want to jump off of the ship
just to take the pain away.
Turn to cutting and burning to feel
Physical pain instead of all of the emotional pain,
There is no one that cares, no one that will listen
Just trapped on a huge ship with chain of command
That could care less about what happened to you.

Cannot wait to be back to pier
to get a far away from people that
are only out to hurt me
Cannot wait to get back to the pier to
Be able to get away from the chain of command
Cannot wait to get back to the pier to be
Able to see friends that do care and understand
What you are feeling
Cannot wait to get back to the pier so you can
See a counselor that understands rape and PTSD

All I want is for someone to be there
Someone to listen without judgment
Someone to hold me
Some to validate what I am feeling and for
Someone to listen me talk about what happened in
That hotel room

The waves that are crashing in
So many tears
Feel like there is no hope
Feel lost in a Navy that only cares about
Men and feel that I do not matter to them