MY VAGINA MONOLOGUE:
March 3rd, 2005, 6:30am.
Hopeful. Gown, IV, awaiting surgeon
Incision lines marked
him: “take a look in the bathroom, mirror”
Huh?
Gurney – wheels assuming the death march
White room, Warm betadine
He looked NERVOUS, sweating
More incision lines
Different place?
My Instincts, RUN
No, no, you’re anxious
This isn’t what we discussed?
Confused
the anesthesiologist, questioning…
SHOULD I RUN?
n a k e d
Drowsy
Can’t react
table c o l d…
Blood loss impressive
Twenty-four hours after I arrived…waking up from a stupor
him: “…I had to go further than I thought…”
what did that mean?
Profuse bleeding, UNBEARABLE PAIN!
Nurse: “You have to leave the hospital,” – they wheeled me to a cab
A week passed…
as I try to stand, my labia feels as if they’re about to burst –
barbed wire rushing through my groin
blood spewing down my legs from my groin,
the white carpet, now a wet red hue
have to use the toilet
Can’t squat!
“Gird your loins!” I say to myself
It’s like gymnastics I tell myself – Pommel Horse
hold yourself up with your arms
Shit!
SANITIZE
Cope!
Eight days later…
my mom’s knees begin to buckle as she attempts to change my dressings, blood soaked chucks
“YOUR VAGINA LOOKS…
AS IF IT’S BEEN RAVISHED BY A PITBULL!”
“Mom, don’t faint, I can’t hold you…”
Ice Storm outside
“Emergency…”
i need an Ambulance
“Miss, you need to return to your surgeon, he needs to fix this”
he can’t… HE CAN’T FIND THE VIDEOTAPE!
Vagina Mutilated
Another statistic.
Countless women in America are assaulted and violated.
We live in a nation where doctors destroy health; lawyers destroy justice with little or no impunity.
How much is my vagina WORTH?
© Allison Yusefa Hugh
