The memories come flooding in like a huge wave that
Crashes over me. In my life, I have been raped six times. I was trusting,
I was innocent. I thought that I could trust him when I
Was 11. I did not know that he would lie to me by telling me that
his mom was home and then finding out that she was not. I did
not know what porn was, what sex dare was, that
there were violent teenagers out there that just want to rape
a girl that was innocent.
I thought that by going to a university two hours away that
I could escape the memories.
I did not realize that wherever you
Go there you are. I never drank until I was at a party on campus. I
Was drinking vodka 90 proof and Hawaiian punch. Two guys decided
To rape me.

I thought by enlisting in the Navy that I would be achieving my dream
That the Navy was a family of brothers and sisters that fight the enemy.
I did not ever believe that I would be hurt by another Sailor. I trusted a third
Class fleet returnee and all that did was lead to being raped and betrayed by
The chain of command. Being told that, we believe you, but we are not
Doing anything about the rape. Here is your orders to your ship.

On that day and night on January 17, 2004 the person I was died and when
The chain of command did not do anything everything changed for me.
I no longer cared about being in the Navy. I do not know the person I am know.
I look in the mirror and see a person that has so much pain.
I no longer believed in the Navy.
I knew that they did not care and got the message that I was just a piece
Of property that can be raped and that I had been raped did not matter.
Then he straight up admits to raping me in an email
Contact the police department and they reopen the investigation
But then you get a call saying, we do not care what he admitted to
We have to know about who all you slept with and about any
Other reports that you made.
You feel really betrayed and totally alone. Once again you are told that the
Laws do not apply to you. That the uniformed code of military justice does not
Apply to you.
Once again all you feel is betrayed, hurt, angry, alone, violated, depressed,
And suicidal.
Once again you do not understand why they are protecting a rapist.