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This Is What Justice Looks Like

abused from the inside

By: Anonymous

End all abuse be it physical or mental.
Surely physical abuse is cruel and well recognized because the evidence is there to behold, right before your eyes. Most times people recognize the marks women bear, even when the vicitm tries to hide or excuse them.
An effort is being made world-wide to highten awareness and allow these women to be able to denounce without fear of being submitted to even more harm.
However,there is a common form of abuse that goes on and it is almost invisible… I have fist handedly dealt with a very insiduous type of battery for over 7 years,. This assault was purely psychological.
All that time being told by my husband that the insults, name-calling and belittling were all my own fault, I had brought it on and that I most definately deserved it.. I was not allowed to voice my opinions or finish a sentence even in my own defense, I was told over and over again how stupid and crazy I was…that i needed a doctor to examin my head, that I was a whore, a bad mother, that I was incapable of being happy, that I had no good examples in life so I was incapable of loving , that nobody would ever love or put up with me and that I would finally end up alone old and unloved because of my aforementionned traits.
What killed me the most and caused me most fear, was to know that my son was witness to this nearly everyday. I feared and that one day he may side with or become like his father and be this way towards me or any life partner.
Only one day when i had gathered enough money I decided to do as he had so often said, I went to see a shrink over a period of time and she told me I definately was not crazy or stupid and far from it.
I must have cried an ocean in her office. She told me that my wounds may be psychological, but that they were just as deep and important as anyone physically abused.
I learned that like most victims we tend to be confused, live in fear and lak the self esteem, courage or monatay means to break the cycle or denounce our beaters, which is exactly what the perpetrator wants because it gives him the perameters to better work his game and better break you down.
This to me was a slap in the face.
I gathered my things and my son and was out of that house in the following weeks. Friends payed for and helped me move, I found a new and better job, got a new apartment and started having a social life, working out and gooness I immediately decided I would never go through this ever again.
I still must have contact with this man now and unil my son is legal because here in Québec, joint custody is awarded whether or not you like it. You must prove that your ex spouse is incapable of taking care of a young child.
Being that narcisists are very hard to diagnose, mainly because they are such HUGE manipulators all I can do is hope pray and do everything in my power so that 1 week out of 2 my son knows what is right or wrong, that words have a huge impact on others and that his mommy id strong,that she will protect him, that she loves him and is proud of him for being such a good boy.
I still have to put up with some abuse because no matter what I am obliged to communicate with him., and each time he still manages to cut me down and hurt my soul. It still affects me physically, I litteraly feel cold and nautious each time he puts me down or tells me how much psychological trauma I’ve put him through in our relationship.
If anyone recognizes even a little of this in their relationship …GET OUT!!!
Let’s be one voice and denounce all types of cruelty and disrespect towards women, mothers, daughters, sisters aunts and grandmothers.
WE ARE WOMEN BUT FIRSTLY HUMAN, AND WE HAVE A VOICE!!

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