In my lifetime I didn’t think I would ever be able to say I was ‘FREE’, today I am changing this in many many ways. The cruelty in my life started at just 5 yrs old when my mother brought the devil into our home as her husband. He controlled every moment of my life with intense fear, always there was the constant threat of another violent sadistic sexual assault, We lived in the middle of a small coal mining community and I attended the same school system for 9 consecutive years, however as I was sold out to the husbands, handed out to their young teen sons, physically rotted away in the refusal of any medical or dental treatment, and was trained to be nothing more than the family ‘slave’, I grew to believe this is the life I deserved. After all, no one ever spoke a word of concern about my care, so why would I believe I ever mattered at all. I was just HIS object!!
This lead me into a life of ‘trained’ tolerance and acceptance to these types of behaviors. I didn’t ever call a shelter or hotline, seriously I really didn’t believe it mattered and no one would ever help me escape or provide me with the tools I needed to support my three children and give them a SAFE home where they could sleep & play without hearing or seeing their mother be beaten or degraded on a regular basis. It is the greatest guilt I still carry today, but am learning to forgive myself, as I really did do the best I could with what I had at that time.
I was 37 years old before I finally broke free from the last violent attacker, my second husband. It took a lot for me to find that courage to face the future on my own, but I was determined my children would know a peaceful home. It happened, I couldn’t believe that I really had the ability to give them what they needed from me, just my constant love, the enjoyment of life, laughter, and peace in our home. We were able to heal in many ways and although there was emotional trauma, it wasn’t too late, they were still young enough to enjoy those five years together as a healing, bonding family.
Today I give my voice in however I possibly can and whenever I am given the opportunity. In Feb 2011. I published the horrific details of all those years trapped in evil, but searching desperately for acceptance & love. The book ‘My Justice’ was a public apology & explanation to my children about who their mother was and why it took so long for me to find the courage to begin my own freedom and my healing. I still discuss often the generational impact of these types of cruelties and how simply being in a home of violence against a mother can leave such a lasting impression of painful dysfunction in our children’s lives.
The first step in finding my true voice was finally publishing all those gory details of how I had been so trained from childhood and permitted to live in a house of hell, by the neighbors, officers, school officials and family friends who discarded the rotting child who many had witnessed over the years the painful attacks and beatings, or the blatant disregard of all medical care. Times were different then and now there is a continuous effort on my part as a strong advocate, crisis support, mentor, speaker, and radio host through the foundation I built in 2012; Butterfly Dreams Abuse Recovery. It is about giving hope, guiding to resources, and learning to spot the signs of these attacks which most commonly occur within our homes. We can change this, we can RISE, and we most certainly have an opportunity to teach the belief that all persons matter in our society and not one single person should ever have the right to dominate, control, or violate in physical or sexual assault, even selling those we supposedly love out to others; we can change the impact of these past crimes and give our children hope for a better tomorrow. RISE IN SOLIDARITY AGAINST THE CRIMES OF ABUSE, VIOLENCE, & TRAFFICKING. We are the teacher’s of their world, today is the chance to rescue yourself; if you don’t feel that you are worthy of rescue, then please reach out because it matters to your children. Thank you all and together we can all believe in the value of our soul, the voice of what we can teach them, the impact it has on their tomorrow. Proud to submit and hope to see this shared with others. I am attending the St. Louis dance mob event for ONE BILLION RISING!!! How far I have come from that tortured child I was so very long ago!!! Believe & be free, live safe, make your impression with your voice. Respect & love to all sisters here together!!